She’s such a B-word

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1. I saw the llamas again today. Although, they might be alpacas. I really don’t know.

2. That is my favorite mug.

3. I was challenged this week.

Don’t you hate that?

Here’s what went down:

I was talking with someone about this story in the Bible where a man named Job (pronounced like Jobe…long “o”) literally loses everything. Some of you have heard it.

His kids die, he loses his wealth. Everything.

Except his wife.

I grew up in the church. I sometimes am unsure if that has been a positive or negative thing . . .

One thing that has come from hearing message after message in my life is a certain bias surfaces or a rut of how to understand the stories.

Job’s wife — she is quoted with one line in response to her husband attempting to continue to seek God after tragedy upon tragedy.

His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” (‭Job‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬ NLT)

CURSE GOD AND DIE . . .

My whole life, I’ve looked at her as a bitter woman. Even an ungodly one. I’ve been taught she was weak. That she couldn’t withstand and still praise God.

Shame on her.

For the first time, I was challenged to really see her.

It was annoying to me, because I generally pride myself on seeing the unseen and being a voice for the broken. It was a hit to my heart that I had missed seeing someone.

When I look closely, she’s a lot like me. She is in pain. She is broken.

THIS WOMAN has just lost EVERYTHING. She is overcome with grief. She is angry.

And I get it.

I don’t know that magnitude of loss, but I have felt abandoned by God.

Have you?

I’ve spent nights so angry because I am confident that God hears me. So, the only explanation of his inaction in my broken circumstance is that he has chosen to abandon me there. Right?

I married a Job. He seems to be almost solely focused on heaven and the journey to bring it here. And I am (to my emotional distress) quite focused on what is right in front of me.

The fact that my Creator-Redeemer has a view that transcends time and space is sometimes not as comforting as I’d hope it to be.

Job’s unnamed wife might be my new favorite character in the Biblical story.

She is so raw. She is fully feeling what she is surrounded by.

Often, when I am reading Scripture,
I try to identify with the hero. With the character that GETS IT.

There is a long list of the ones that don’t get it.

Pharisees. Eve. Delilah. Lot’s wife. Judas. Thomas. Peter. Saul. Pilate. Herod. Job’s unnamed, hurting wife.

If you know those stories, you’ll know that all of those people failed. If you don’t know them, I’ll tell you: they didn’t get it. Those people made the wrong choices from the wrong motivation and

I. AM. EVERY. ONE. OF. THEM.

I’m every one of the mistake-makers.

If you’ve known me very long, you’ll know that I am sure of 2 things about myself:
1. I’m super funny . . . Let’s be real.
2. And I’m a mess.

I know I am nowhere near perfect and I am bothered by those that think they are.

But, don’t we all want to be the one that gets it right?

Don’t we want to be the hero?

I know this: I don’t want to be afraid to say the wrong thing in my brokenness.

I never want to fear being raw & real.

Do you know what I am afraid of?

I fear living my whole life identifying with and trying to become the HERO. And who I would become with that aim.

There can only be one Hero.

I am so relieved it’s not me.

Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭34‬ NLT)

2 thoughts on “She’s such a B-word

  1. Hi Jenni,

    The Bible Study I lead is studying Job…it seems so many groups are studying this book right now.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts re Job’s wife. I would like to share them with my group.

    We also discussed all that she had lost…even Job really. She must have felt so alone in her grief. The sad thing is that it does not appear that she turned to God for help.

    Many times I try to carry problems myself before releasing them to our loving and caring Heavenly Father.

    Thanks for sharing, Hon. Love you much, Gmommy

    Like

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