What I really want

what I really want
Part of my job is to direct art being created for a specific purpose.

When someone receives a project from me, they get a bit of direction, branding guidelines and a green light.

Once the art is completed, I get to offer my review. This is the hardest part for me. It’s hard because I often want them to change EVERYTHING. Shift that line over. Center that. Adjust that color. Ever so slightly.

Sometimes, I need to request changes because branding is off or the concept is missed. Sometimes, I just think my concept is better. (Let’s be real for a minute . . . I usually think my concept is better . . . )

But, one of the most fantastic things about Art is its fluidity. Very rarely have I found 2 different people who agree on every piece of art they are exposed to.

So, I often find myself at a crossroad. What do I speak up for and for what do I remain silent?

My friends at work and I like to respond to these moments with this question, “Is that a hill you want to die on?”

It’s a very graphic and very descriptive way to think about how much stock I am putting into my opinion in this matter. Do I care enough to fight a battle on a “hillside” and eventually – probably – lose something to defend it?

There are “principles” worth speaking up for, and it is my job to weigh carefully the freedom required for creativity to flourish and the safeguarding of culture and branding.

When I think about “the grand scheme of life” (I just want to say that with a British accent. I feel like the British can command more attention), I realize that we often make choices to speak or remain silent – sometimes with much heavier ramifications than a branding mistake. (You’re still reading with a British accent, aren’t you?)

Really, though — I think most of us have a passion button. There is an issue that just makes you want to throw up when you hear of the abuse. There is a group of people that make you cry tears of joy at every triumph. There is a moment of reconciliation for which you are on your knees desperately calling out to a Good God for it’s realization in your lifetime.

So it is in a story in the Bible that I often skip over because I’m a girl and it’s about a girl, so everyone expects me to identify with it. (I know, I’m a mess.) 

But, I read a line from it this morning that stood out to me. This orphan girl, Esther, has become Queen through The King of Persia version of The Bachelor (yes, the episode in the fantasy suite). 

Now, she is in this role that seems like it should have more power than it does. Sometimes, I think we find ourselves getting everything we want and realizing we still don’t have the voice we thought we would have. We don’t have the influence we expected. And, that often silences us in defeat.

As Queen of Persia, she is the wife of the King, but can only come to him when summoned. And, there comes a moment when it had been 30 days since her husband had called for her. And, at that inconvenient time, she learned of a plot working toward the genocide of her people, the Jews.

The King had no idea Esther was a Jew. He had no idea what this would mean. He needed Esther to stand up and say something. He needed SOMEONE to do SOMETHING, and he didn’t even know it. 

There is a line that a mentor to Esther speaks to her that resonates with me.

If you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish . . . Esther 4:14

If you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise from another place.

The God I worship cares deeply to end the injustices in our world. The God I give my life for sees the broken things around us and is active in a plan to heal them, forever. The God that rescued me has given everything to heal the injustices even within my own heart.

If I have something deep in my gut that I feel like I have a voice to bring change through and I remain silent . . . then what?

Then God is still good. Then, justice will still come. Then relief and deliverance will arise from another place.

And, I miss it. I miss being an active part of the solution. I miss being submitted to Christ in His purposes of healing. I miss getting to stand with those who have been oppressed and walk with them toward deliverance.

Relief and Deliverance are in Christ. The visible picture of a God we often feel seems invisible. Christ and his Sacrifice. Christ and his Rising. Christ and his Redemption are the moments we get to be a part of.

I speak up, to share the story of the Gospel. I share at every chance I get, using whatever influence I find myself with, the story of what a Good God has done to redeem the ugliness inside my heart — and what that means for our world.

When it comes to my passion buttons. The things that make me want a platform to scream from. When I am asked to speak up, as Esther was. In the moment I choose not to keep silent. I have to remember who actually does the Delivering. It wasn’t Esther and it is never me. I am reminded that I am a clumsy hero. Obedient, but clumsy.

And, still, SOMEONE has to do SOMETHING.

I want to be in the story. I want to be part of the relief for my friends and family from the darkness that pursues us, by pointing us all to the Grace of Christ and His Deliverance.

And, I really wanted to win the super bowl 2 years in a row . . . there’s always Super Bowl 50 . . . #gohawks

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